Thunderbrew Lager

The Battle for the Honour of the Thunderbrew Lager
(to the tune of "The Mary Ellen Carter" by Stan Rogers, roughly)
Originally posted by Izh, 7/29/06


Oh we met in fields of clover in the woods of Feralas
Our goal to meet the ogre king and hand that brute his ass!
Tirlana begged for tribute but our ire was so inflamed,
It was heads and only heads for which we aimed.

They'd slandered our great lager with claims of being best
Seemed only fair to kill them all and drink their swill to test!
'Fore heading in we drank a keg and loudly did proclaim,
That slagging this fine lager was insane!

Was insane!
Quite insane!
There's darker, lighter, stronger, weaker
Beer in this fine land
But slagging our fine lager is insane!

The ogres fell before us like wheat before the scythe
Persy beat their hard heads in and Dun's cat made them cry
High on success and lots of beer, we laughed throughout the fray
Then Captain Kromcrush seemd to block our way.

We waded in while laughing, swinging weapons left and right
Yet sudden fear afflicted us and several ran in fright!
Straight into hordes of guards and dogs and other nasty bores,
And soon the Spirit Healer hove before.

Hove before!
What a snore!
There's darker, lighter, stronger, weaker
Beer in this fine land
But drink and fight and ye'll see her once more!

I'll not detail the running back nor allotment of blame,
But second time did seem the cure and Kromcrush fell in shame!
We cheered and wiped out all the dogs then stood before the king
And paused to drain the lager from our skeins.

From our skeins!
Emptied skeins!
There's darker, lighter, stronger, weaker
Beer in this fine land
But sweetest is the brew recently drained!

The king fell rather easily, died crying for his slight,
Of Thunderbrew Lager which he had called a blight!
The Observer lay in pieces two, his sword now loot for Dun,
And Baz alone cried that he had got none.

He got none!
Baz got none!
There's darker, lighter, stronger, weaker
Beer in this fine land
But none was left to cure poor Baz's shun!

Now you who've listened patiently and you who've fell asleep,
Herein lies the secret and now it's yours to keep:
Don't slight our lager fair and true and don't depend on loot,
For if you do we'll slice you up like fruit!

Like fruit!
Just like fruit!
There's darker, lighter, stronger, weaker
Beer in this fine land
But put ours down and we'll poke you in the snoot!

In the snoot!
In the snoot!
There's darker, lighter, stronger, weaker
Beer in this fine land
But put ours down and we'll poke you in the snoot!

 
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